Man THE POSTAL SERVICE is awesome when I'm high..... But they suck when I'm sober.
the only sentence i could make out from her was "i will wash these herpes away"
Let me just inform you of my purse contents right now. Three cum rags, a sock full of cum, xanax, and a fake moustache. This is my life.
Apparently we were just playing "bang a bridesmaid". I'm not sure if I won or lost...
my brain is opting to stay half drunk rather than relearn how to think. the rest of me is in no position to argue.
Dude I should have just gone home with the guy with dreads and the cat
He wants to pour butter pecan flavored coffee creamer on me and lick it off. I'm like, dude, gross. French Vanilla ok? Ugh.
the staff put glowsticks in the urinals of the porta-pottys last night and honestly drunk me has never been more grateful for anything in his life
THAT HOSPITAL MADE ME REALIZE THAT I'M BISEXUAL
I can't believe there are people our age getting engaged and I can't even find a solid coke dealer.
I think I had Hypothermia but was too drunk to notice.
right now I am washing the alcohol and shame off from last night
I'm assuming you were here at some stage because I woke up alone, clean and in a towel with mum asking my why my shoes, dress and jewellery were in the bottom of the shower.
I think I left my bra and my crocs in your room
The cure for a hangover evidently is not walking around in a costume in the sun towards of park of screaming children
Randomize
