He's marrying her, which means that she is his most important person in the world, so you gotta deal with it...okay?
I just opened a gallon of milk that is good through the 10th of January- I hope I can say the same for myself.
As long as you don't die I'm in full support of your drinking decisions
judging by the pasta sauce and dirty pans i spent my blackout being emeril
There's a very real possibility that I'll wake up in your uncle's driveway.
You guys can't keep having sex with them and cleaning their house! They're never going to take you seriously!
Dude I walked in to my house just to be handed a bottle of vodka by my sister. She then said i had 15 minutes to finish it. Moving into my parents place is the best choice I have made this year.
It's one of those things you just need to see in person at least once in your life. Like Niagara falls or some shit. His ass is the Niagara falls of asses
Ive seen his manscaping faults. Given the choice I'd rather dry hump a cactus
You were telling me last night 101 proof was nothing and you needed 400 proof or better yet military or marine proof, because you're marine grade.... You rascal.
I'm puking in a turkey pan....
BTW car sex works all the muscle groups. Just sayin. Legs/butt are sore as are arms, back and core.
it's gotten to the point where I just look in my closet, think, "which article of clothing behaves most like a towel?" and then just go with that
How is it that 364 days a year I'm the adult, but on Halloween you completely forget how to have fun and become my grandma?
What does it mean when the government shuts down and your boyfriends wife wants a divorce ON YOUR BIRTHDAY?
She threw her burger out the car window last night. My vegan neighbors were not pleased but I’m pretty sure I saw a for sale sign go up on their lawn so I owe her one.
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