I really wish I didn't have to wear pants this is ridiculous
I love college. Only here at ten in the morning can you hear "Man, hot sauce on my pussy was my worst idea in a long time." while walking down the hall.
i just wanna lock my vagina in a safe filled with bandaids and healthy things
the protein jug says add 2 scoops to your favorite beverage. guess who just found a way to make sam adams healthy? THIS GUY
We need to go to the store an get depends. I really don't want to be bothered with the bathroom this weekend.
i tried to knight her with my dick. she said it was unromantic. what an ungrateful attitude for a knight.
We love you just as you are but we might love you more if we didn't have to post bail so often...
Nah, just ran around, pinned random men to walls, bit their lips of and booked it.
We were in the middle of fucking and she was just like "Do ya wanna play Harry Potter Scene It?" I musta been really bad lol Anyways, her tattoo healed nicely.
No. No. No. No one's allowed to fuck in the yurt.
She's not a foreskin expert like you
HAPPY BIRTHDAY I ATE TOO MUCH OF AN EDIBLE AND TOLD MY BARISTA I LOVED HER
You can cuddle me. Word on the street is my ass is ridiculous.
according to the calendar even that i put in my phone last night, i'm supposed to fuck shit up at 11am today... i really hope i didn't miss something important
Sorry I missed your call. I was in the shower washing away my sins and sweat. Please tell me you want to get drunk as shit later.
Randomize
