I never thought that I'd ever use the phrase "and the resulting ice cream explosion" seriously at work...
After I told my husband the docter shot me in the ass, he said - oh they can but I can't?!
the date was going great.. until he pulled down his pants and asked if there was any hair in between his cheeks.
We had phone sex and he came in his sink. i will never eat off one of his plates again
Ripped as fuck driving to get a portrait of my cat tattooed on my arm
The lady sitting right behind me on the bus has baby birds in her purse. Shes feeding them bugs from a cup with a pair of tweezers... I love san francisco!
No need to talk. Eventually, he'll either stop coming over, or decide that it's a relationship.
And if not?
...I keep getting free bourbon and great sex with no expectations. You really don't understand that there is no "down side," do you?
Going back to the ever classy sneak out to the fridge and swig liquor from the bottle method. That it is legal for me to drink here makes the fact that I have to do this all the more depressing.
It is a fiery spray of napalm-covered beautiful words that leave a flaming "fuck you" on the ground after I destroy him.
You dove at him but passed out mid dive. Shame it wasnt a costume party your superman suit wouldve been clutch in the situation
Your vagina is like Nancy Drew lately.
She tried doing a backflip and ended up doing somersaults down the entire stair case.
Tinder in Coventry is like browsing a gallery of mugshots from Azkaban
last night I used snow as a chaser
he had a cock ring. i orgasmed before he even put it in
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