When my options for Friday night are being a 3rd wheel or bringing a gay man as my date i need to focus on other things in life like having a successful career.
Just applied online. Cant stop hiccupping. May be drunk. Hope they liked my smiley faces.
i have a reoccuring irrational fear i'm going to walk in on my dad masterbating. Night.
my one-armed grandma is doing the YMCA. you figure it out.
He booked his flight from Dallas already, no ticket to the game, said hes gonna bang some girl at tailgait to get a ticket, I had to explain that it will be sub 20 degrees F during tailgate, he decided to come in july instead, Texans are dumb.
i just had to hear from a third party that he came inside of me
Only thing I know is apparently I danced with a bouncer and we got a ride back from a valet who was driving one of the cars he was supposed to be parking
I am trapped in a bar with french tattooed drug dealers who also blow glass art. Just in case this is bad, know what happened.
Take in how we used all the shot glasses in the bar in less than an hour
I want to let you in on my two latest life goals. Have a photograph of me squirting whipped cream into a midget's mouth, and have sex on a roof.
Going to the market. I need some nachos and a serious re-evalution of my life.
He literally named all the parts of the vagina as he fingered me. No more pre-med virgins.
We banged in my car doggy style with my head out the window. The sky was marvelous and I saw a shooting star. Its destiny; we're meant to fuck forever.
Mid thrust, say hold on I need a pic for my friend.
I tried making my own red bull with crushed up caffeine pills, bubbley water and flintstones chewable vitamins. The ER doctor sead I'm lucky to be alive.
Randomize
