The pick up line I used was "Grab my sack, you'll be back." Then I winked at her.
searching "dave" under the university of pittsburgh on facebook was not exactly how i hoped to find my baby daddy
I'll pull you in a wagon. You'll have a sash and a crown on and we'll sing "All the Single Ladies"
she trying to cartwheel up the stairs... not going so well
I'm watching people hook up tonight who, when they wake up tomorrow, are going to wish they were blind.
there is a video of me from last night trying to light my breath on fire. that drunk.
He crawled over to me grabbed my boob asked me if I liked cats and then passed out. If that's really my RA, it's gonna be a long year
Using a joint as a bookmark. What is my life?
I ran into a hotel and told the doorman he was doing a great job. That was before you cried on my jacket.
Did you leave ur panties in the sink?
Kitchen or bathroom?
In bathroom. Hand in air with cell phone. Help.
What procrastination leads to: I have submitted a third of my job applications this week with a BAC that would get me arrested
I woke up with my shoes still on and my pants around my ankles cause I couldn't get them over my shoes
i just used a selfie stick to take an ass pic. i hate myself.
You kept pointing at me and saying I'm getting chicken parmesan and no one is going to stop me
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