OMG. Drunk.
I'm so glad you fill me in on these things.
Sorry. Must've been trying to twitter.
and then he ordered a "diet and rum" like the most important part of the drink was the diet.
hey my socially awkward cousin is our designated driver for summer, we just have to put up with her wierd shit.
soo according to the calendar on my phone, I'm 5 minutes late to have sex with that guy from work. Apparently we planned this, I even set an alarm.
i think we should start charging the bum that sleeps on our porch rent..
I mean it's my life so what if i want to drink Molson from my sparkly shoes and not regret anything
Yeah I figured you were blackout when you were Shakira dancing on the floor.
He's getting off drug court. We're doing a super-blunt with 50 dollars worth stuffed inside. He almost cried tears of joy when we told him.
Haha, I gave you the rest of the cash I had on me and you bought 3 shots for yourself and beer for everybody except me FUCKFACE.
And I'm determined to make an Eiffel Tower happen sometime. I just don't know who will take the pic (first world sex problem?)
I opened the door and his girlfriend was standing there; we made silent, prolonged eye contact as I quietly put on my panties and left.
Well now you know my birthday fantasy: gangbang consisting of men wearing NPR pledge t-shirts.
Don't make me do math I'm drunk and full of chicken
If I could eat my chicken parm naked, it would be the closest I could ever be to God.
the girls would appreciate it if you invited over some drunk, single, straight men with low standards.
Randomize
