Is it sad that the only reason I haven't lapsed into depression is that I'm prettier than her?
Nah, we all need something.
Boys can't fool me. I know "want to come up and meet my dogs?" is just a nondirect way of saying "come up and meet my penis".
i googled waterboarding like you asked. as long as you do it outside. we have carpet. but i wont be a part of it.
St Patricks Day is not the day you decide to have a sober epiphany.
DUDE EDDIE MURPHY JUST DID A BODY SHOT OFF A HOOKER. IM NEVER COMING HOME
I found a lucrative side business - giving rides home to drunk oil executives. Very profitable.
He came so hard he burst a blood vessel in his eye. Do I have to take him to the ER? because I'm too tired for this shit.
He kissed my hand AND my forehead. I don't think this virginity business is for heartless whores like us.
I'd apply for another job, but "staring out windows crying" is not a hot qualification right now.
On Tinder, guy asked me if I had ever been fucked by a Pokemon master. Needless to say I didn't respond.
I got asked to "be the filling in a man sandwich." You don't get to pick the club again. EVER.
I stopped him mid keg stand to show him how cute my bra was...
I think I got a sinus infection from puking out my nose on st. Patricks day #thisis26
I'm sitting here listening to fat joe and doing kegels I have given up
Yeah I knew you'd like him. He's emotionally and physically self destructive.
We would have so much to talk about!
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