insurance, jail, and birth control were made for people like us.
There are some college kids out at 4 in the morning dragging each other on a sled behind a bike. its too entertaining to call the cops
For some reason I knew you were going to smell like strippers and burritos when I hugged you.
You expect me to find someone in two days who I feel comfortable enough with to ask them to get drunk and go play in foam with me?
I keep confusing the name of her and her dog. Both are appropriate.
I wonder when walk of shame thursdays in the rain will finally make me stop drinking.
On a completely unrelated note I think I have carpal tunnel
Again, totally unrelated
He should just accept that I want his dick and his friendship. Can't he understand that I don't do emotions?
Do you always skip to "Baby Got Back" when fat girls show up at the bar?
Its guy fieris flavor town of suffering™
you walked into the party, and all you had on was your left sock... literally.
SUFFER THE WRATH OF THE PISS BAG
And then there was cum in my hair and he was making beans.
I’m sorry, some of us common-folk don’t have access to steady dick
i can feel my liver failing just LOOKING at that thing
Randomize
