I am at a 420 party and i just told a girl "hey, less not getting donuts, more getting donuts"(1-855): and did she get any doughnuts?
No. I am devastated
Do you think people stop being hipsters when they're naked? because that's what my research shows.
Dude I just masturbated laying underneath my Christmas tree. Apparently all I want for Christmas is to get laid.
i like that you affectionately refer to him as "creepy" ever time you talk about him
i just saw you make out with a girl with facial hair...just thought i would document that in case you forgot
I'm not leaving bed today. And i guess my drunken ass last night hit my roommate in the face with a tiki torch then proceeded to cry while carrying around a picture of he who must not being name. I'm a piece of work.
At this point can I suggest a mail away bride. You judge Nick but you are a strange dude and that may be your ticket.
she visited to give me a bj between clients. Social work at its finest.
Where'd you go last night?
Don't EVER let me photobomb a group of lesbians again. They made me their "straight mascot" and I ended up singing Donna summer tunes for beers at their apartment complex.
Trying to roll joints on a seadoo in the middle of a lake on a windy night. -Juststonerthings
Your bf is wearing nothing but a cape, I mean absolutely NOTHING but a cape. I know you said he looks like Thor but this is getting a bit ridiculous.
I want a dick in my left hand and a Crunch Wrap Supreme in my right hand.
It smells like grilled cheese and sexual frustration
Gez, you make a couple noises and all of the sudden your the loud girl.
I walked in on a circlejerk after punching that guy out. Instant karma.
Randomize
