chick flicks and taylor swift songs are like porn for desperate singles
So shortly after drunk sex...she starts crying and saying..." you don't care about me, you never do anything nice for me" so I called her a cab
I just found a beer bottle in my xmas tree while disassembling it. God, I'm going to miss the holidays.
I just remember getting him back by licking the window on his truck.
But i guess when you use blowjob as a verb you are entitled to some language allowances
Stop leaving me alone with my ex boyfriends after keg challenges. Woke up in his bed covered in what you think would be cum. No...toothpaste. He left a note. "Be home at four. Don't be here when I get back."
Do you think you're physically and mentally capable of killing me? Because I'd really appreciate it.
Well don't pass out under a Swedish flag and people won't make assumptions
And he listens to me when I talk to him like the hulk.
I just need some breakup sex yanno like filthy wish fulfilling breakup sex to make me forget what I never had
You can be responsible and still be on that ho life
My cat is watching me play with my new vibrator
You just kept mumbling about the carpet being covered in stains that looked like the face of God. Until you decided that they were closer in relation to Dumbledore.
I just bought spray paint, a T-shirt, and a box of magnum condoms. The cashier refused to make eye contact! Haha
Fuck him. He can bang that skeezer all he wants. Fuck her lawyerness I’m a YouTube star
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