Everytime she opens her mouth it's like a fucking terrorist attack on my life.
i turned job hunting into a drinking game..
Getting up at 8 this morning to drink could be the best and the worst idea we've ever had
Dude, this old lady messaged me on Facebook talking about her grandson and wanted to know shit about me. I'd almost call her a cougar except she looks like mashed potatoes that have come alive.
you passed out on the bathroom floor with the door locked. we had to break in and no one was sober enough to move you so they just threw a towel on you and stepped over you
I think we need to find a happy medium between fried food and dicks. This could end badly.
Guys, I'm sleeping in the BOYNTON LAUNDRY ROOM. if you can, come let me out in the morning as I have no keys. I might be in the study room possibly. DON'T FORGET. I will be trapped
i keep looking at my boobs and it just baffles me how he could give this up.
Do you know how disconcerting it is to hear the sound a dog makes while it drinks water and find out that it's someone eating you out?
Doing bumps while the kids play upstairs. #bestnannyever
jesus, I think that canada gold metal game has completely changed all rules of acceptable drinking habits, I was fucked untill noon and I just got invited to go party when I get off work...at 600am...and NO ONE understood why i was hesitant
He told me that he'd ride his snowmobile from Cincinnati to Toledo in this blizzard just so I could give him head.
We shared a dick. We're practically sisters!
i feel like every weekend turns into a giant blur of i dont want to know...
Just saw a hotel with a bunch of mattresses in the parking lot. Made me think of you.
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