North Korea, Best Korea!
It's 10am, I'm at grocery store buying booze b/c the bf just told me that he didn't "technically" break up with his ex.
I woke up covered in BBQ sauce. My hand had "you win" written on it. Do I celebrate?
He made me pinky-promise that he gave me an orgasm.
his recent searches consisted of "World record for not bathing" and "Miley Cyrus vs Taylor Swift". Not even i am that desperate.
Laying on my kitchen floor and the lights just got brighter... I just died or there was a power surge. Based on the amount of booze I drink both are possible.
i feel like im paying for every hangover i didnt experience last year as a freshman. thank you sophomore year.
It was like the Alcoholic Olympics...double fisting fifths with eight 40s in my backpack...running from the cops in stilettos. I will have bitchin' hamstrings come Monday.
Why are your underwear on my dining room table?
i thought you were just a really comfy body pillow until i sobered up. oops.
you smell like cheap hookers & chicken nuggets.
Bud... Did you mean to tweet a picture of your dick? If not just letting you know.
I almost rear ended this hot guy driving a Porsche Cayenne just so I could get his phone number
You can’t homewreck what the Lord hath brought together.
Last time he showed up for Christmas he went on and on about backpacking somewhere and getting ghonnorreah twice.
Randomize
