I'm not conventionally pretty...I'm just crazy
BAHHAHHAHHAHAHHA SOME ASS IS BIYING NE DRHBKS. DRUBK
it took us a while to figure out sex on a tire swing, buuuuuuuut MISSION ACCOMPLISHED
Unlike bears, this weekend is not the #1 threat to America. It is, however, the #1 threat to my liver
The hookup that almost was... Both partys too drunk to migrate to the other.... the universe has won this one.
Went kayaking. drunk. DID NOT FALL IN. Mission succesful.
I have the relationship skills of Miley Cyrus and I could've said this was a bad idea
The girl next to me looks like the young version of sara (bonnie hunt) in jumanji. I wanna be like PLAY THE GAME SARA!!!!"
Might be using my graduation money to pay for an abortion.
I'll say this one last time. You are TWENTY FIVE YEARS OLD. You are not going to die alone and this is not the twilight of your life. Stop taking shrooms on your period!!!!
The power of my boobs compel you
why did you put a dildo on the ceiling fan
the dildo had a suction cup and we had a ceiling fan what did you expect?
Girl I'm contemplating picking up some adult diapers. That's how bad this is and it's only day 2.
Well guess who isn't a virgin anymore
guess who isnt wearing pants has a shaving cream beard and is afraid theres no cream cheese in the fridge
the answer to that last one was me. the answer to the first one is you, you sly dog
She deleted me on Facebook. I think it's safe to say that she knows I fucked him now.
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