I feel like ignoring a facebook event is a lot like a pocket-veto. The only difference is instead of opposing legislation, I don't want to go to your sketchy party.
What the hell do I have to do to get some foreplay around here? This sucks.
I think you know the answer.
How can I marinade myself in Vodka?
She is the perfect woman. She cooks, gives good head and doesn't care that I have a small penis.
I just threw up in a patch of wild flowers on the side of the road. I never knew rock bottom was so beautiful.
he just came in and straightened the chair and left again
One of my other friends found me and the dog in the back seat of this one guy's car....I don't even know
and then we had to stop you from trying to pour shots through your nose with the neti pot.
If you're trying to piece together your night, I can tell you where those tassels came from.
Okay, lets just agree to keep all cutlery related activities to a minimum.
please dont make me drink to the titanic soundtrack
I'm pretty sure you called me last night and screamed that she was force-feeding you a bagel.
I'm lying on the floor in the back room praying my boss doesn't come to work today.never again
Last night I dressed up as a cowgirl and walked into McDonald's. I bought 20 mcribs. There's pictures
He lasted less than 30 sec. in bed and then sent me a friend request on LinkedIn. Wtf.
You just sent a mass text asking if anyone ever drank the blood of a goat in the glorious name of Satan...after that we confiscated any writing utensil
Randomize
