I'm going to community service drunk, and I'm still going to be the most normal person there.
she's sitting on the other side of the room at this party. with her smirnoff tucked in that little opening between her cleavage and shirt. drinking from a straw. snapping her fingers off beat.
it's love
you went up to their shower, tripped in it, accidentally turned it on and then claimed that you like to "test everyone's showers"
Ur gonna wake up early as dick tomorrow to do some responsible shit but im the one up at 3 am right now cooking brats soaked in keystone light so fuck your falling asleep ass bitch
Ohhhh sweet! I may be down for that. I'll be a german beer girl probably passed out on a park bench somewhere.
All three of them were helicoptering their dicks to persuade me to take my thong off
When i'm home next we need to get baked and go to waffle house. I want to see if the waitress can still guess my intoxication level and what i'm about to order before i even make it to the table.
to improve your porn experience, just imagine a slow speaking older English man narrating it all like a Nature documentary
Just saw a couple do like 5 Sakai bombs and my dad goes "who says love is dead"
University has ruined us all. I just had to clarify the last time I had sex as "No, not at the party we crawled home from in the snow. It was the one where you puked off the balcony and hit the barbecue."
If you need to be the damsel in drunken distress make sure it's before 3.
I was about to google "rabies and sexual activity." Then I realized I was at work.
Don't drink and shop. I went for happy hour and came home with a fog machine. I now have no other choice but to scare the shit out of my neighbors with it.
It's barely past noon, how am I already talking about double penetration
I'm seeing how far I can grow my leg hair out before Jason will say anything. I'm up to an inch
Randomize
