can you explain to me why you commented on every one of my profile pics with "tits and beer ftw" please and thank you.
I'm at an open mic night and the next act is called 'the best creed cover band ever.' The guy i recently hooked up with is on bass.
hold on, were in the kitchen painting a yellow brick road to my vagina on my leg with black light paint.
Just had the weirdest flashback. Did we buy melon, take it into the restaurant and try to make them give it to us as dessert?
You know Im horny if Im walking around in my lingerie and sex robe. It's my field of dreams mentality. If I wear it, he will come.
I sexy timed too hard and there is an ass shaped piece of a ping pong table now missing bc of it. How am I allowed to leave the house without a helmet?
We just weren't working out together, on a completely unrelated note some guy that i talked to on his grinder account said i could crash at his place
I envy your ninja level of don't give a fuck
Seriously I am not buying you condoms anymore. You're 22, if you aren't woman enough to buy them yourself then you don't deserve orgasms. Grow some tits.
He came over apologized for his lack of sexual skills. Cleaned my kitchen cooked me dinner. And gave me another one minute stand. I think im okay with this
Moral of the story: I had sex to Back to the Future last night.
Ugh why can't people just be grateful for my penis
Shout out to my liver for being the true MVP. It easily put in more work than LeBron or Curry this week.
My blue shorts are now brown from all the stripper fake tan
You know I was thinking and I've never seen a penis in a whirlpool before
Hey, I'm sleeping in your car...lol just knock on the window in the morning
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