On blowjobs: "If you decide to go there, you finish the job. No complaining." I don't care if it sounds like she's talking about Iraq, I'm in love.
So this girl in my math class just went to the bathroom, tampon in hand, comes back with it still in her hand starts digging around in her purse, takes her thing of birthcontrol out, goes oh fuck, and downs the rest of the pills. Got to love college.
When you went through airport security you asked if the could check if a baby was in there. That drunk.
ALTON JUST DID GRAVY SHOTS. THIS IS WHY HE'S MY HERO
All inclusive resorts are actually just places that livers go to die.
that bad?
u-n-l-i-m-i-t-e-d. f-r-e-e. t-e-q-u-i-l-a.
I have bruises all over from falling so much last night, I even have bruises on my arms from them picking me up off the street.. Oh vodka nights.
She straight up told me, "I don't care if he films as long as he's quiet." You sure you can't find the camera?
I'm pretty sure I have enough material at this point to start a blog called Guys I've Banged in Pictures together. Why does this keep happening to me!
Is the party worth it?
I am drink. Beer pony and singing.
I knew things were bad when my gyno recommended meditation.
i knew it was love when she pulled a beer out from between her boobs and offered it to me
I don't need this shit right now. I just woke up covered in pistachios
Tell him that his phone is taped to the dog's stomach. Stop trying to call it because it makes him scared.
I saw his new girlfriend. She was flashing people, short and kinda chubby. I was happy with my life after that.
He bought me pizza and bourbon and played scrabble with me. So naturally I slept with him.
Randomize
