his logic is that since hes already cheated on her w me its doesnt count
What happened last night?
You soiled yourself again and told everybody that you'd given birth.
Kind of a slow process. Played 9 holes with her yesterday. Wish one of them was hers
the boy next to me on the plane handed me a shot glass, then a perkaset, and told me to have a good week off..hellllo spring break.
had to bail. she had her cat tattooed on her
See, not all bad decisions involve my penis.
To the person who left a cup of vomit in the bathroom: I commend you for your aim but you are dead to me- not an ideal birthday present.
accidentally stumbled into a construction site at 3am on the way home. The bulldozer was locked so we had to settle for rerouting traffic with all the orange cones...
I drunk-cried for all conjoined twins everywhere the other day.
I think having a vagina should be considered a skill, give me a break.
we broke the bed, curtan rods, a dresser drawer, and unless I didn't notice it before, we put a hole in the wall. This is why he and I have to fuck in motels.
I tried smoking while wearing a horse mask, it was the worst thing I've ever smelled
My sister just poured me a dbl Ciroc on the rocks and said "the ice makes it festive." Honestly what a role model.
Talked a police officer into driving us the 1/2 mile home from the bars because we didn't want to walk. I never knew the back of cop Cars had plastic seats.
Like seriously how stupid drunk do you have to get befor you start finding dolphin lighters and shit in your undergarments
Randomize
