ok, im coming! i just found some lemon square in my bangs, washing that out..this shit is all over me! was i in a pie eating contest?
yes
did i win? did you like my outfit? or should i change, if you were horny would you bang me?
Just crushed a xanax into my chewing gum. Its gonna be a long, fucking up flight...
i think i scared a bird with my dick
the threesome consisted of him fingering dana while i laid next to them watching how i met your mother.
dude I'm not 100% but I think your mom is sexting me.
I'm sorry. But when a stripper driving a Bentley tells me I have potential..... I gotta at least listen to her proposal. God did not mean for me to waste these tits on law school.
Three things I need a picture of: your friend, your bong, and your dick.
I know you are gonna wanna ask a lot of questions but when we are home I need to cover your face with deli meat and photograph it
Well I just found a coupon for cheese in the bathroom so I've got that going for me
I'll take care of you. Just let me pee on this old white person's car first.
and yet oddly the jello shots tasted better coming up than going down
Yeah,I'm just gonna keep fucking other guys til this idiot figures out he loves me.
If I die on my walk home, please come claim the body. There is $30 in my left shoe for you....for pizza
I walked in describing her boobs thinking I was talking to you only to hear dad say 'I remember when your moms were like that'. ALWAYS tell me when they get home early. Always
He really is. Owns his own house and has more than one towel!
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