I mean roof. it goes up. its important day. you should recongziw it.
You're drunk. Make complete sentences.
It's not luke its my birthday or anything. Mike, understand.
My girlfriend went down on me and as she did she hummed the theme from star wars and pretended my dick was a lightsaber...I'm buying the engagement ring tomorrow
i told him i was on my period. he said, and i quote "can we not just lay down some newspapers or something?"
is it bad i banged a 25yr kindergarten teacher last night?
No thats like a top 10
apparently "preggers as fuck" isn't an appropriate way to describe someone...
The number of injuries I get impersonating Shakira while drunk is getting ridiculous. Sprained vagina, dude.
I'm in the sex attic, crying, eating french toast and taco
Can I steal her, take her home, and feed her only vodka?
I'm not drinking with you for AT LEAST a day
Are the transvestites working the counter tonight? Last time I was there they gave me love advice.
I think we might have a drinking problem when the ASU kids called us crazy
No one made them take a shot with us at the 12 hour mark. That's their bad
I feel like I was playing penis roulette last night nd I landed on the wrong one.
I need a moral compass that doesn't always point to dick
Remind me to NEVER AGAIN mix beer with tequila with beer with whiskey with vodka with rum with vodka.
He totally just went there for sex cuz he slept in her roommates bed the rest of the night after they were done...
pure definition of booty call.
Randomize
