yeah. pants. i need to put pants on. i didn't do that last night. big mistake
There was a gorilla playing an accordion outside of my last final. I miss college already.
This is worse that I thought. He's playing violin for me.
Yeah we can't find him. He left a note saying he left and isn't that drunk with what appears to be an attempt at the quadratic formula for proof. He also wrote down his number and left his phone by the note
Im still alive. Just can't talk. Or move. No need to worry
Let's just do a victory lap through all of our exes.�
This whole bra on the outside of my shirt thing is so convenient. It turns my shirt into a pocket to eat Fritos out of. Mmm boobies
So I think my aunt and her one legged boyfriend are getting it on in the next room. Traumatized does not even begin to describe what I am right now
He ripped off his socks and ran around the basement barefoot. His feet turned black. Then he chugged Parmesan cheese. He chugged dry cheese dude.
Please come quick there are people in suits here judging me
I just got called the stable friend. This makes me super uncomfortable
We have a great relationship based on communication, sex, and mutual loathing.
Wanna bang and Pregame work? I know you're the manager just promise to not fire me
I just wanna fuck your brother. Sorry if thats a crime.
she's 6'2. you bet your ass i slept with her.
Randomize
