i just made a list of the people i have slept with. is it bad that some of them are just either names of the places i met them or the color of the shirts?
i also rounded the number up for good measure. i am sure there are a few i have forgotten about.
Draw a picture of yourself puking and peeing on her and give it to her with a note that sys this could be your future if you be my friend
Dude you called me last night to let me listen to you piss in a cup and drink it. Just making sure you survived
Theres a disney princess moonbounce on karen st. and I'm drinking beer at a little league field. this might end with me in jail.
he somehow instantly knew i was from vermont.
it probably had something to do with chasing your soco with maply syrup.
I think she just stepped in a piece of mac and cheese, picked it off the bottom of her foot and ate it.
you realize that if you hadn't mouthed "we're getting laid tonight", i wouldn't have woken up with your ex this morning. just sayin
And when he pulled me off the bathroom floor, he just looked at the cat litter stuck to my chin and said "oh sweetie" and shook his head. I think my dad's officially given up hope.
I don't see how I managed to fuck up so much shit in an hour and a half..
too late I already started a fight with someone named luscious
I shaved my legs and got a bikini wax, I don't care what I take home as long as it has a penis
I don't have any soul left to be crushed.
he answered his phone during sex and left to go help that drama queen with her latest bullshit. I'm drinking all his vodka. it's asshole tax
And by "have lunch together" you mean me giving you a blow job in the back of your Tahoe, right?
Just found out my dad smokes weed too. Mom, grandma, all aunts and uncles, and now my dad too. It's like I'm genetically engineered to be a stoner.
Randomize
