I just had a 2 1/2 hr conversation about the pros and cons of taping your ballsack to your taint, which then led into the unveilling of lady gaga being a hermaphrodite.
it wouldnt have been so bad but she still had the cowboy hat on when my mom walked in
My parents just suggested that we tailgate the midnight christmas service. this is my gene pool.
I guess since this is supposed to be my year of the lesbian it's okay
The liquor store manager told us to drink responsible as we checked out and we laughed to his face. Like we're buying karkov at noon, responsibility is out of the question
You said you were going to take the sideview mirror to your own car so that nobody would steal it. Thats why you woke up with it.
I was only out of town for 1 week. His cell records show he texted 63 ex-gfs and hookups while I was gone. And 10 condoms are missing.
We should have a bouncer at the top of our stairs asking the guys we bring home for ID...
I used a jello pudding cup as a shot chaser last night. I'm the Bill Cosby of alcoholics
And if I could both stabilize myself *and* pick things up with my penis... Well, I wouldn't be on the fire dept...
If you get any calls give me a heads up. Im drinking rum in my underwear on the back porch.
I keep finding granola in my bed. This is what I get for sleeping with a guy from Oregon.
I POOPED CONFETTI TOO. Ingested unacceptable amount of it oh my god can I die from this?
just played fuck the dealer and thunderstruck with my physics ta. he is the third ta that i have drank with this semester, i think i'm getting good at college
I've seen your dick too many times for both of us to be straight.
Randomize
