I was going to clean my house but wine sounded better
i'm considering texting him with "i'm leaving the country for a year, wanna fuck?"
do it. it's every man's dream.
I was more traumatized by the table collapsing while i was going down on you.
were lost, were cold and we don't know what to do with the stray cat we found.
I refuse to go to this wedding alone, or sober. Practice drunk-walking in heels and a Bridesmaid dress begins tonight.
I feel like I owe it to them to wear pants.
You're alright. You just passed out while we were having sex. Then I'm pretty sure you peed. So I went home.
Halfway through lecture, some kid in the front row threw up IN his hands. Professor held the door for him to carry it out.
Just did a "spirit of homecoming" bump off a stranger's credit card. A stranger that dropped us off at home. Erica's bad. How do allllll of the Eastern Europeans know how to find drugs so easily?!?
You asked me if I was judging you for being drunk, and if I can hypnotize you make sober.
hope your day is as exciting as mine- one of our trauma patients just stole an ambulance out of our bay... WITH AN EMT STILL IN IT.
This electrician is just ripping my house apart and I'm too hungover to ask questions
We gotta locate my vibrators and get them stashed away STAT
when you come over can you bring tequila and my birth control? Thanks girl!
We're getting a bucket of chicken and screwing around, so no, you can't join us.
Randomize
