is it really high of me to have brought my own hot sauce to wendys?
Just found my DARE notebook from 6th grade. Extacy was starred and highlighted.
At least I've made one childhood dream come true
Not only do I have sand in my ass, but a crab pinched me while we were fucking. Still totally worth it.
He keeps the condoms in his bible. I guess stairs or elevator, we're getting to hell one way or another.
Lesson learned. Never get fingered on an airplane.
I was pissed last night bc this girl didn't want to have sex but offered to reimburse me for the condoms. That just made me upset
I know I'm high, but the dude in target definitely just told me that it's best to walk through every door in life like you're a t-rex....
You know you hit Mardi Grad bottom when you come to in someone's kitchen on the floor and you are eating gumbo out of a Mixing bowl with a ladle......yeah rock fucking bottom
You were in the girls bathroom yelling at some random chick because you thought she stole all the urinals. That's why you were kicked out.
listen. i haven't sucked a dick in well over three years but i believe in myself.
bonging vodka is the same level of "good idea" as eating machetes
In other news I was masturbating last night and came really fucking hard to the thought of yelling at a customer....
Look, I am sorry I shaved your cat...but get over it.
party at the soccer house. crumbs in my sexy panties. can't. put. pieces. together.
Let me call you later. I’m lining up some office dick now that working at home is ending
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