I woke up this morning in a strange bed with a kid with an accent playing with my feet.
that's just what I need...drunk ass people throwin hatchets in the dark.
don't get me wrong, i like my boss a lot, but not enough to not bang his daughter
No, veal is cruel because they chain them down, I'm talking about free range human babys here.
I glued a penny on the door Tricia believes its Patrick Swayze haunting our apartment. Fuckin potheads.
bubblegum was invented today. we're getting drunk. end of story.
You broke a window with your face. I don't think the landlord will be as impressed as we were.
I kept feeling my boobs..just to make sure they were still there.
this islike a room full of reasons why i should be in prison
please come over and have sex with me so we can talk about prom and kill 2 birds with one condom
Security has videotape of her blowing the boss against his car. Don't they know he entire parking lot is under video surveillance?
I have walked into stripper central, but I'm on the street at 1:00 in the afternoon
i know it looks like there's pee in the mayo jar in the fridge but i promise it's just apple juice that wouldn't fit in the jug after i added the booze.
I have an interview tomorrow! The couple we regularly swing with said I could use them as references. Winning
Don't ask but i need a priest, a calzone, a litre of gravy, and exactly 7 oreos
And a bag of nachos
Randomize
