I answered the my mom's phone call about what we're doing for father's day while he was still fucking me. She thought I seemed really excited about his hiking boots present.
I imagine anything that isn't a dilldo attached to a jackhammer, powered by a generator won't be amazing enough for you
I've been meaning to ask you. The first night in the city did we do key bumps with a suicidal homeless man? My memory is fuzzy
We have zombies coming, and all you can think about is cock.
Two word: claymation porn. Think about it.
I don't think I can ever express my appreciation for the things you text me.
The best, and by the best I mean the worst, was the 7 month along pregnant chick in the skin tight body suit.
He reached a whole new level of creepy. We were getting a coffee and he noticed the girl at Starbucks name tag looked her up on fb and friend requested her right there without ever introducing himself
i dont know the whole gay terminator look is really hot on him
She showed up after 3 hours and proceded to make us all feel like resonable human beings. I dont know how she did it but she did it.
I had a dream last night that I used a condom when I had sex. That's how I knew it was a dream
im so sad I can't openly talk about acid tab Sundays
IM HUNGOVER AT MOTHERS DAY BRUNCH AND A NUN FROM CHURCH JOINED US
I wonder if my sister will drive me around while I do bong hits in the back seat..
I wasn't supposed to sleep w him. So of course I sent him gps location to my bed.
I went to an adult Halloween party last night dressed as Mrs. Doubtfire, but I woke up on a stranger's couch surrounded by sleeping children in karate gi's. And I accidentally flushed my granny wig mid-puke, so if they wake up I'm gonna have to convince them that I'm just a weird older man and not a terrible cross dresser.
How did you come to this point in your life?
Good bartenders.
Randomize
