Jason just peed on the potty all by himself!!
"omg awesome!, you do realize we aren't together anymore"
apparently farting at a cop is considered assault.
he is not the type of person you only have sex with once. god adds years to your life every time you sleep with him.
I don't know if you realize how depressing it is to get your card denied....when you're only spending $4.
why dont you just whore around college until someone loves you...thats how it works for girls isnt it?
She didn't know my name but she knew I was Canadian so she just called me Canada. It sounded like the national anthem when we were fucking.
the fact that he forgave me for making out with the bartender is proof that i can fuck my way out of anything.
Might just stay in and drink cuz of the hurricane. Yea I think Wisconsin might be safe but its a good reason to drink.
I can coach you back to consumption. Think of it kinda like Rocky II.
Me and him were fist fighting in the back of the cab and I offered the driver a 100% tip to call him an asshole. I don't know why.
Apparently being drunk on a southwest flight and yelling "TURNUP" during take off is looked down upon in this state.
Just ushered a raccoon across the street so yeah.. Good night
I have this rep as a wingman for a reason. I'm like a poon caddy. "You might want to use a 9 iron on this hole. "
I don't think my professor is going to remember the Halloween party... or the fact that he made out with a priest.
Walk of shame through Chipotle? Check.
Randomize
