Third unemployed latin in my bed this week. I'm on a roll
i love rice pilaf. whoever invented that i would give them a hug.
SOME GIRL GOT MAGGOTS IN HER COOCH FROM EXPERIMENTING WITH MAYO!
Ummmm yeah ..,.. All three girlfriends I have right now are chatting with each other at the party...... I'll see you on the other side
You do realize that we bought beer at 9:30 in the morning to avoid sobering up. Stupidity was bound to follow.
What is the protocol for an "i'm sorry I had my ex retrieve me from the bar so I didn't drive drunk" blow job
We were sitting in a hot tub debating how drunk we could get by osmosis if we kept spilling our drinks in it. This is what engineering college does to you.
I found pix on her phone of me passed out and her sticking things up my ass. Its over.
idk i usually just blame everything on steve
Steve quit two months ago
I rewarded myself with Taco Bell tonight for going a full week without punching my roommates in the face or wishing bodily harm on them.
He licked the buffalo sauce off my fingers and then we had the best sex of my life.
he was the first penis i touched… i have to go to his shitty bands first gig, i mean come on now
Why is the floor coated in a 2 inch blanket of popcorn??
I remember reading the word "lift" so I did. The alarn went off, and I thought to myself "what dumbass pulls the fucking fire alarm?" and then I realized it was me...
she told me id be a great addition to their lesbian community and shes giving me sex eyes from across the room. come get me NOW
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