When we talk. Remind me of these topics, photoshop, my bday, threesomes, and cherekee indians. I swear these are real topics...
New topics to add when we talk, sweden, boxing, and the band journey
why are there post-it notes all around the apartment labeled where you guys had sex and in what position
look mate, i'm pretty sure 14 texts saying "fuck me. fuck me now" more than passes the legal benchmark for consent.
Out of ice. Vodka+club soda+cut up lime popscicle=I'm an alcoholic genius.
I don't care what we do tonight, as long as it makes me forget that my boyfriend just told me he likes taking it up the ass from big guys dressed as construction workers
She told me she gets scared easily and that I had to protect her. Then I made a condom joke that ended up making her cry... All bad dude
There is a 5-year old here fighting 'drunk monkeys'. He tried to knock a drink out of my hand with a plastic light saber...
trying to figure out why the only thing in our freezer is an expired loaf of bread, a white t shirt, and a receipt from taco bell for 37.50 from last Friday
He told me how it ended, then I blew him.
So he ruined the best cinematic experience of your life and you REWARDED him??
I've been here 11 months and i just realized i have literally never looked at my apartment/roomates sober
honestly dont worry about it, its not the first time ive injured myself on a potted cactus during sexual relations with a woman
He came inside and met my grandmother after we had sex in the driveway. I love that he has a van.
Can I just lay in bed and you pour vodka through a funnel in my mouth?
I'll screw just about anything, but I draw the line there
I'm more heavily invested in that tequila than you are
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