Imagine two people making love on top of a unicorn . . . my life is the opposite of that.
But you know it's love when you find brass knuckles in the same box he keeps his Naruto action figures.
i just woke up in the hallway. not my hallway. i officially raise my hand to be DD next week.
You were pissed we didn't change the movie to Eurotrip so you kept singing "Scotty Doesn't Know" over and over until you passed out.
when "blow-job jen" drunk dials you at 3 in the morning, you answer
My econ prof just gave me a shot glass because I was the "randomly picked" winner of the lecture. Ties into our supply and demand lecture, supplied with a shot glass, demand a thirsty thursday
Little boy scout stared at me with judgmental looks while I bought 3 bottles of liquor but refused to buy popcorn from him
Dude so coolest charity idea ever, think aids walk but instead of miles you drink beers oh the possibilities
My gyno overestimated by 3 TIMES the amount of sex we have per week. First of all, he must think I'm a freak. Secondly, I think we should catch up.
Captain Morgan didnt let me down when i stand up it feels like the world is trying to hand me rainbows.
New York City is dangerous when the only bars you go to are the ones that have 'open' in front
I can't hang out tomorrow. A boy wants to feed me ice cream and touch my boobs. Priorities.
Cheyanne in woods. Ducks attacked. My toe is bleeding. We are gpsing our way home on foot. No worries
I have no idea, I usually just project my awkwardness out like a mating call until it draws other awkward members of the opposite sex out from the bushes
No, he wouldn't have sex with me....but on the brightside I managed to fit the entire falafel sandwhich in my purse!!
Randomize
