i just threw up a quarter into the urinal in the bathroom at the bar. everybody else stared then cheered. that drunk
Do you think it would be a good idea to mention in my admissions essay that I was the guy that streaked across the soccer field last year?
im sure shes a lovely person but i cant be friends with someone that doesnt drink. its just not right.
Fuck your 100 proof Hot Damn. Do you know what 100 proof vomit tastes like? Anger.
so apparently going to a christian rock concert dressed as Jesus is horribly inappropriate.
She was purple for Halloween. She literally spray-painted herself purple and called it a costume. It won't come off.
You wanna get laid? Be a female for once and stop bending nails to impress guys.
I'm at a new rock bottom. Malibu on ice at work because it's the only thing they've got and no mixers.
You ran into the tattoo shop screaming PIERCE MY TITIES
But seriously I might need help getting spray paint off of my body.... But don't worry about the penis I scrubbed him already
Congratulations! You can now legally do that thing you said you never do again!
THANKS! I'M SO EXCITED TO NOT DO THE THING
OMG YOU GO OUT AND NOT DO THAT THING, GIRL! I SUPPORT YOU 100%!!!
last night we watched this really loud chick try and pick up this smoking french guy who's english was sooo bad. she finally pointed at her beer and then her vagine
gross
like you've never done an interperative dance for sex, please
One day he'll find out I do drugs and stop talking to me.
What will you do then?
Drugs, probably.
i didnt realize that your first thought would be SEXUALIZING BREAD
Just because my bed is easier to get to doesn't mean it's okay to fuck in.
Randomize
