I just woke up in my car with half the wedding cake next to me. This will not end well.
Just realized the hot girl at the office got a boob job over the Holiday.....she is now super-hot girl.
I told her you were a premature ejaculator. She nodded and said "Really? Wow, how long's he been a Pilot for?"
you are both the best and worst wingman ever.
He got me an interview at his law firm and his boss asked him what he had to say about me. His response "He dates CRAZY bitches."
I just sent you a google doc listing all the reasons why I should stop hooking up with him. Feel free to add to it.
When one is stoned and browsing online dating profiles all men sound like serial killers.
BTW send me your address and size of condoms you wish your lover was-- "if you build it, they will come"
The best part about this city is obvious. Someone saw me crouching by a bar pissing in my leftover Panera bread bowl and they just winked.
Whiskey dick has taught us to be smart with our time.
She pretty much spent NYE measuring dicks, trying to decide which one to take home.
Yeah that's a good idea.. I like to be responsible when I trip my nuts off
Ya it was crazy the power went just as she was about orgasm and the vibrator got fried with the power surge
Overall a good night - broke my toe giving that cop a blowjob though...so there's that...
I sharted in my christmas pjs :(
Mom saw my dick pic over my gf's shoulder. She told her she really should've had me circumcised.
Randomize
