ya know if you hadnt broke up with me, that porno we made wouldnt have a 3.3 rating on youporn right now...
you'll be glad to know I got kicked off the microphone at a bar in Breckenridge last night thanks to my country rendition of all star
What's the protocol on showing a video of me sucking the life out of my ex in order to prove beyond a doubt that I give great head???
Just asked the bartender if I could use the register to see my grades.
I consider it a good night. I met Jimmy Buffet, who grabbed my ass, and I body-checked a toddler. She had it coming.
It's such a good feeling to send those "I'm not in jail" texts on Sunday morning
I'm just planning on experiencing Disney as adult style as it gets. Drinking bloody mary's at dawn and telling all the kids waiting in lines how badly their future sucks and that Santa isn't real.
My roommate is either deadlifting a bus or having sex. I can't tell which
I think I just got judged by the pizza guy. dude, you deliver fucking pizza. you need rethink YOUR life.
btw telling the cab driver, that took you to your booty call that is now returning your wallet that you left in his cab, that you want to hug him is awkward
The walk home lasted longer than the sex. He lives in the flat above the bar.
He was going down on me and all I could think about was how proud of me you'd be
She stripped naked and ran around the outside of the house while I stood by the tent holding her clothes shouting "come back" because I was too drunk to chase her. This is why we can't have nice things.
I sent my brother over to my ex's to get the rest of my stuff. He comes back SEVEN HOURS LATER, high as fuck without my shit! No loyalty.
It was like I was gay for pay but except being gay I became straight and instead of for pay it was for coke.
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