i told my doctor i had 3 partners and one unprotected.. shes a cute little indian lady i couldnt break her heart
i make out with random ppl when i drink he shouldnt feel special
The only birthday messages I got from men were from my 8th grade boyfriend and the bouncer at our bar. I think I'm doing something wrong in life.
Bad news is he broke up with me via text message
But the good news is I've returned as mayor of whoreville
He bought me dinner. He gave me his jacket when I was cold. And then ate me out in the passenger sear of the car.
so do you, all the weight can't fall on me. I'll befriend a ball pit owner if you will befriend a drug dealer. teamwork.
i got up, ate a McDouble, then went straight back to bed.
You sure know how to make a day worth living.
We got back from the bar and started watching bizzare foods, which subsequently led to the consumption of large amounts of rancid lunch meat and small insects.
He said bring my breathalyzer and Anna's pepper spray, I didn't ask questions
I just used my VA prescription bottle of xanax to get a military discount at the liquor store. I win.
Only you could get away with that.
Getting dressed and listening to the song Buffalo Bill danced to in Silence of the Lambs. I'm a perfect psych major.
YOU CAN'T JUST ADD EVERYONE WHO ENTERS MY VAGINA ON FACEBOOK WTF
never let me tell the bartender to cut me off, i basically told on myself
the girl who hid my weed when the cops came has a birthday coming up. i feel like i should get her something.
My drug dealer just told me goodnight...I still don't know his name. But I guess you can say we've moved to the next step.
Randomize
