i decided i am going on the Justin Bobby plan for success. Don't cut my hair for a year, don't shave for a month, land Audrina Patridge. Game on.
its like national bring your ginger to the pool day or something
If im paying 4grand for laser eye surgery, it better help with beer goggles cuz last night was pretty rough.
the paramedic just looked at me like "you again?"
Please call me back as soon as your phone is charged, if you die tonight I don't want the last thing I said to you to be "I just farted a little"
I may or may not juuuust be reaching the point where I find some humor from waking up in the parking lot at the standard.
OH MY GOD MY GRANDMA JUST SHOWED ME HER BOOB OH. MY. GOD.
We are going all out this weekend. My liver is already smiling.
Its the anniversary of our epic NBA All-star game weekend. The night the two of us cashed a 30-pack while watching the dunk contest
I haven't been sober in 4 days.
Then be sober
No.
Looking back on this weekend, I'm most grateful I never brought up with word "toe-fucking" at the bachelorette party.
I woke up wearing my panties and an eyelash, soo I'd say your birthday was a success.
Well I just finished dry heaving so I think breakfast is a little further out for me
Yiu ever laugh so hard you stop breathing? Turns out weed -can- kill you.
I just got a rock from a customer. Weirdest. Tip. Ever.
Randomize
