Words of wisdom-never eat a peanut-butter covered banana on a construction site ever again
i was so high last night while i was driving i felt like i was riding a bike with no pedals
You look at her and you just know the only action she's gotten is from her tampon..
those 9 inches of man changed my life forever.
Thank God I didn't lose my virginity to that asshole. That woulda been like winnin a raffle ticket for a free bag of dog shit. But with like a really pretty bag. A pretty bag full of dog shit.
Come to wine Wednesday bro. We have a fog machine
i vomited out of my nose in three different houses so far, i will be back for my boots tomorrow
He made me cum 4 times, we high fived afterwards and then I proceeded to tell him about this guy I'm dating whilst I made him a bacon sandwich. I think we've finally mastered being friends with benefits.
U touched your head and and said "oh look blood" and then looked at me and touched my face... And said war paint
At some point, you're going to have to talk to a tree and do what it says
I could definitely fill a shot glass w my cum
please don't
When he was leaving this morning he said I'll text you later on and I replied with if you don't that's cool too.
Dude, you were so drunk you were hanging from the ceiling of my car pretending you were a sloth while we were on 81.
Bad news man, we're gonna have to reschedule Golden Coral: The Musical
I don't know who the fuck this is, but right on man
What can I say, I just want your vagina in my mouth.
Randomize
