She just asked to stimulate my prostate, man law requires you come pick me up
xbox live and facebook are tricking me into believing I actually have an active social life
I had a dream last night that I had sex with Abe Lincoln. I must stop watching the History Channel before I go to bed.
The Wii Fit is already telling me I'm an alcoholic.
After 12 shots he decided to show us knife tricks. You can figure out how it ended
that girl from work that wants to bone me just said 'the last time i went this long without sex was in jail'. sup, red flag
You told them that the brownies were safe, and then pointed to a passed out Ryan and said "see?"
Ive waited a long time for a girl with prescriptions like yours.
Great. Now I'm always going to be the roommate that boned a guy with a third nipple.
We were tripping too hard to figure out to tell him where we were so we sent a picture of me laying outside the tent saying "find us"
I'm sorry I peed on the bushes at your law firm. Is there anyway you could defend me for the ticket I'm about to get?
Just listened to a full Christian rock song, loved it,listened to the dj send a prayer to a 4th grader who was having a tough year and realized I'm high as fuk
Hahahaha .. If it makes you feel better I had a sex dream about a cheeseburger last night so I feel like we both lose.
I've never been to an orgy, but I would assume nachos wouldn't be out of the question at one.
Stop chatting and get in the fucking car. I didn't get my asexual ass out of bed just to watch you flirt and fail with someone you're never going to see again.
Randomize
