ive been sending my husband naked pics of my whole body from my phone..its a work phone. do you think our boss can see? if so, im either getting fired, or a raise.
currently walking past a fire hyrdrant with a hose already attatched.. this could be dangerous..
Just found my DARE notebook from 6th grade. Extacy was starred and highlighted.
At least I've made one childhood dream come true
Turns out Woolite can get the cum stains out of her moms couch.
we need to start a braincell conservation fund for you, sort of like save the whales or something.
Look, we all have our slutty phases. Mine is just forever.
My dad just decided to play wingman for me... I dont want to let the family down... but both these girls are hideous
Sweet and genuine is kinda lame. I'm more of a bust all over your face and hair kinda guy.
Uhm the hair is off limits bro, conditioner can only go so far.
Bro? You just made it a target.
He never gives up. He's like the fucking little engine that could of hook ups
On another note, I feel like my vagina is slowly being peeled off with a rusty potato peeler.
I've had sex to the movie Tommy Boy too many times to be acceptable.
ive started thanking my toys after masturbating. might be time to get some fuck boys
His wedding band got caught on my nipple ring and that's how I realized he was married
How did people get blow jobs before text messaging?
I don’t have enough daddy issues for this shit, make him go away
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