the the hell do you 'accidentaily" jizz on a shirt thats folded in a drawer?
Can't remember why I called but it definitely had something to do with Lou Bega
I'm hard boiling eggs, drinking rum, and talking to my 8 year old brother about the 10's times tables. This is what thursday is all about.
I have no idea why I said that. I have no idea why anything happened last night, I broke my toaster making a egg. I'm going to quit drinking.
OH MY GOD I CAN'T WAIT TO BONE YOUR EX BOYFRIEND. HOW AWKWARD IS THIS?
He drunk dialed me at 2am asking if he could put a baby in me.
you said you would race him to taco bell but you slipped in the parking lot and just laid there, crying
According to him, i kept saying "I'm belligerent as SHIT" and tried to run around the house in just my bra and underwear. Thats when they decided to carry me to the car and take me home.
I'm ashamed and embarrassed. Unless we get drunk and have random sex with people we will never see again we might lose ourselves.
I'm now having weird sexual fantasies about that riverdancing figure skater. So thanks for that.
I offered him midol and told him "it always helps my period so maybe it'll help yours"
She's like the Jonah Hill of sorority sisters.
COME TO THE TOP OF THE MOUNTAIN AND I WILL GIVE YOU MY SAGE ADVICE.
Still, being medically ordered to stuff things in your vagina is amazing.
I miss your drunken presence, and strong odor of hard liquor and potent weed.
Randomize
