this boner is exhausting
I wish Denzel Washington would coach my flip cup team..
until you tell me otherwise ill assume we're playing "cavity search" the homeland security game to spice up our sex life
they named it eva bongoria. i had to hit it based on the name alone.
Recent Google searches: "babu kangarooz"... "why 2 tacos bell" and "is dinosaur in real life"
I feel like I should lick our pitcher just so everyone knows its ours
Welcome to texting with Mike. You're now leaving the sober section and headed to our insanely high bad decision making portion of mike. Enjoy the trip.
He asked me to hum the Ghost Busters theme song as I was going down on him
She cracked her neck before the blowjob and I knew shit just got real.
He was wearing an Affliction shirt, a Monster hat, and he asked me for anal within 5 minutes of meeting me. Like 3 strikes and you're out, bro.
I have to hand it to her. In my heyday I took home the 'biggest shitshow of the night' award 9 times out of 10. But I passed the torch on to her last night, and she went skipping merrily far and away with it into the enchanted world of aggressive alcoholism. Is this 30?
my gynecologist gave me a high 5 for not getting any STD's since my last visit and said "Way to go Annabeth!" you have twenty seconds to get to my level
I think the cop who arrested me yesterday is at my gym rn should I say hi
Woke up this morning with a plate of ravioli in my bed. Who says being single can't be fun?
My drug dealer just told me goodnight...I still don't know his name. But I guess you can say we've moved to the next step.
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