we'll hang out once this whole, "your friends are robbers and drug addicts" thing blows over with my parents.
And you kept hanging up and calling back because you thought I wasn't greeting you properly.
I'm way too drunk on a Sunday to handle this level of Jesus.
she said "the two best ways to sober up are to nurse someone or give a blowjob" and im gonna go along with it.
we've been together for three years, and i still get excited when i know i'm going to give him a blow job. it's that kind of love
Happiness is watching your asshole boss' police DUI video.
I think we should take up crocheing or stamp collecting....something completely lacking penises
His 21st birthday is in the middle of shark week, it's meant to be.
You know being hammered seven days in a row can do serious damage to your liver.
Text me on Monday and make sure I'm still alive
I've never seen a guy eye-fuck someone so hard in my entire life. I thought he would develop laser vision, bore holes into your body, and not even realize your innards would be spilling everywhere. That's how bad it was.
Had a crazy moment last night. Had to get up, run to bathroom, pop 3 Xanax, sit on bathroom floor and rock myself in fetal position. Not my best moment.
But in today's society it's frowned upon not to wear pants in public.
My ladyscape is the envy of many and the shangrila of few. I will display it proudly.
"I feel morally obligated to vote for him since he's my drug dealers dad"
I spent most of my night in the men's room eating popcorn on the garbage can conversing with strangers pissing
i'm just really offended he didn't want to have breakup sex. like that was the only thing i was really looking forward to
I thought since you asked to see my dick I might as well say hi
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