4:12a: just got back to his place now. I don't want to talk about it
I'm exhausted and I have velveeta stuck in my teeth
Did you eat out Derrek's girlfriend again?
Just set a new record on Need For Speed at the arcade. Had to enter Tiger Woods as the name.
the entire lecture hall sighed when the prof announced that there will be an exam on 4/20
btw, her name was actually Alixx. in retrospect, it was pretty much a gimme
She is going down in cock block history. He went in to kiss me and she threw her hand between our faces and yelled "DENIED!"
I'm sitting the next couple hours out. Puking in a potted plant really put shit into perspective for me.
Your 'drink of the future' makes sense now- you feel it for atleast 10 hours into the future
Just got a free shot w my beer...it's not quite 11am yet...I love international travel. These people aren't judgmental.
Your argument isn't valid... just because I test the waters doesn't make me gay. Makes me versatile. And who doesn't love that!
My flask has coffee in it for finals week.. So that's responsible right?
Herpes is not a lady problem you can solve with shower beers and kissing boys
He's a cop. Do you know how many times I've said fuck the police? This is my chance. I'm taking it.
Sorry I didn't call this morning. Ended up with a decorated war veteran last night who besides finding the enemy, KNEW where the fuck my G spot was. He gets a medal in my book!
Your parents are gone and we haven't fucked in their bed... why?
Randomize
