All I know is it had something to do with a plunger and tuna salad. I'm done. I'm quitting my job.
I have bruises on the inside of my thighs from sliding down the stair case...thanks for encouraging that slut show
i love that feeling when you wake up and have no idea how you got back to your dorm or why you have mac and cheese on your cheeks and eyelashes in your mouth
Apparently I took one a huge picture off the wall at the bar and was walking around dancing with it..
Its what happens when I drink whiskey in a sweater. It makes me feel mature and ponderful.
if she didnt wantt to be febrezed, she shouldnt have smelled so desperate.
Hey, i turned the toilet into a water fountain. Drink up.
Drinking vodka straight from my water bottle because of the debate. I just need to forget.
Did copperhead road at the bar. All the girl next to me did was stare at my glorious bouncing tits. CAN I FUCKING HELP YOU?? I worked hard for these tits.
There's a naked man in my car right now.
You got Broadway Drunk, dude. I haven't heard you sing "Music Of The Night" like that since the last time I was holding you up on the way to the subway at two in the morning.
My brother really should've known better than to make me go egg hunting with his daughter when I was entirely too drunk to do so. Threw up in a plant in front of her.
I may not have my dignity, pride or sanity but I have my pants.
skyped with him for 45 min in the bath while i shaved my legs. new level in the relashionship
Did you happen to find the other half of my bra last night?
Randomize
