I woke up naked, with 10 visible bite marks and a black eye. I'm just going to assume that it was a good night.
You were spooning my trash can and I had to crumble cookies on the floor by your face to get you to eat
She put up a picture of her grandmother on facebook, looks like the lazy eye runs in the family
His best friend walked in while we were banging, turned on the light, yelled BURN, grabbed his computer to play the Thunderstruck drinking game, turned off the light and left.
My younger brother just got high fives from all my guy cousins for fucking my best friend. I hate family gatherings.
Was there a Canadian at your party or did I dream that?
Found a phone out last night at the bar. EPIC homemade porn vids on it!
Rule travel - in 2s or put an ankle monitor on me, and maybe a shock collar.
Will keep you updated on the sexual orientation of my new guy
Easy Mac and you are the sexiest things in my life
I am the Angelina Jolie to his Billy Bob Thorton. We just don't work.
Like not to be gross, he was eating me out while I was smoking a bowl. It was like a rap video
I threw up in a wendys bag in her car. when i went to throw it out the window it exploded all over me. No I don't think there will be a second date.
I don't know how to explain to you that you tried to recreate the bit from the Dana Carvey show where a guy dressed as Bill Clinton breastfeeds a bunch of puppies
Just saw you run by my class yelling "fuck you!". Good luck and stay human!
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