Where does it all go? I've busted inside of you like 10 times in the last week.
Umm you don't wanna know how many "I'm sorry for calling you last night" fb wallposts I just had to write...
She told me that as long as she kept starring at the freckle on her arm she wouldnt throw up
bitch got booty called while we were making out. and then she actually left.
I'm gonna make a therapist very happy and very wealthy this semester.
Ok John needs to move to the other side of the county. I do not like to be approached for a blow job in the produce section of Holiday Market.
I had a dream last night where I used the marginal product rule to figure out how much more hangover I got per sip of four loko, econ is taking over my life...
A homeless man just asked me if I had seen any "nekkid chicks with heineken bottles run by"
Berkeley was the right choice
Hit on in the middle of a Wal-Mart McDonald's by a really awkward nerd. There is not enough nope in the world.
The holidays are too long. I always run out of adderall before I run out of family. you got any left?
I was chasing disarono with Bacardi and watching ice cube movies. It would have been an epic birthday if I wasn't by myself and actually had some decent friends.. Hint. Asshole.
We duck taped Dave to a rolling chair and shoved him in the bed of the truck then took off for a bit.. We didn't explain it that way when the nurse asked what happened though.
Found like seven bruises in the shower. One was shaped like a hand. Best. Sex. Ever.
I'm pretty sure I broke my breathalyzer by breathing vaporized vodka into it.
Just got back from a Walmart run. The music went straight from Kid Rock to John Phillip Souza. If that doesn't scream 'MURICA I don't know what will. Happy 4th!
Randomize
