When he came he sounded like a flock of birds hitting puberty
Give me a heads up the next time you BBM me a voicenote of you cumming so I'll make sure not to play it while in the car with my parents. Miss you too.
i just had to wipe vomit off my fone to text you. yeah that hungover.
You know you're deprived when the only thing you taste while chewing gum is the 2 grams of sugar alcohol.
smoking a bowl while I'm peeing. i love having a big dick.
You texted me "Americans are sad" and "chicken coop disaster" without any further explanation.
I'm pretty sure I just woke up to one of the airport janitors saying that she wanted to tie me up and do something.. I couldn't hear what, thank god
Just from watching vine I come to conclusion that all pornstars are dog hoarders.
Being single/not living at home sucks. All I want is someone I can force to pick up my pizza for me so I don't have to talk to anyone.
I can't handle more than one dick at once. I become crazy. It's hard to be mellow and free spirited and polygamous at the same time.
It looks like you got dick slapped by the sandman..
I just dropped a condom on the floor at costco in front of my girlfriend and her husband. Today is not going to go well.
Stop calling me, Mom. I'm in his closet. You're gonna blow my cover and I'm about to catch this lying SOB.
Nothin ruins a fine afternoon like shitting ur pants
How much weed can I reasonably smoke now if I have to leave for work in a bit over an hour
Randomize
