i just shoved 27 marshmallows in my mouth
well thats a nice change of pace from what you normally put in your mouth
After a valiant attempt at golf, I think it's time for Tiger to go back to doing what he does best- having sex w/ blond, white women.
Way too hungover to be taking this many family pictures
just letting you know, you took a hit of the blunt while sleeping. happy birthday
I didn't ride the struggle bus so much as drive it backwards off a cliff.
We have to have sex twice when i get back. I miss you sex, and thank god the nhl lockout is over sex. I will happily let you wear your sharks jersey during it and i will wear my ducks jersey, and it will be mad rivalry sex.
The paramedics were not my fault this time.
Are you good with a knife? I need someone to perform amateur surgery.
Oh my god I haven't had mozzarella sticks since I banged that Applebee's waiter
My moral compass cannot be waived by two measly bloody Mary's
You know it was a good night when visa fraud prevention services are calling
For now I'm a single mom monday-thursday and a drunk looking for dick the rest of the week
I got off F O U R times, just because he wanted to hear me moan. He is my hero.
Yeaaaaa...im super disgusted with myself lol...which is interesting, considering all of the things I have done in my life...
Divorce can be hard, but look on the bright side. Your soon to be ex raved about your dick and I’m great with hard things ;-)
Randomize
