Have you ever secretly resented a girl for wanting to have sex when all you really wanted to do was rub one out and go to sleep?
Its like Laser Tag, but more fun because it ends in sex
With the way things had been going, I was never more excited for a person to cum
I hit a bug from across the room with my flip flop boomerang style. That awesome.
I feel like college is just one giant drunken trip to Taco Bell
Ive decided I'm sending thank you notes to all the bars for graduation.
Ryan learned the all important lesson tonight; Red Bull gives you wings, Jaeger gives you gravity.
We're at the urgent care down the street from you if you care to stop by
Btw, just wanna point out that you've hooked up with two guys whose birthdays are today. Congratulations, you have a type!
I was expecting a blowjob when she shoved me in the bathroom but instead she shaved my pubes into a mustache for my penis. I am still satisfied.
I have just gotten home. I saw a lot of penis tonight. On a trampoline. Shit got weird.
How interesting! I'm adding this to my list of things to discuss with you between fucks.
I'm not sure whom I'm texting but I put you in my phone as last nights fuck budy, and I'm just curious if I left my clutch with you?
It's like wanting to be a vampire vs being a vampire. You don't know the cock lust until it's infected you.
I just woke up in my locked bathroom. It's 5 PM. What happened?
I'm so hungover I can't taste anything
Randomize
