Ok so my english teacher told me i could have 5 absences bc of my "problem". I have no idea what she is talking about
I can't believe you made out with me with a french fry in your mouth.
How the hell am I supposed to know what lotion to get her? They should have a dressing booth where I could go test how good it is for jerking off, then I'd know.
You drew a lightning bolt on your eye and stomach in eye liner and made me sing Poker face with you in harmonies. I never knew you were still a music major when you were drunk.
I woke up with a crunchy, pink Pepto streak through my hair, no recollection of the last 6 hours of my night and the feeling that all the hotel's staff knew me on a first name basis.
Lesbians. Lesbians everywhere.
Just drank an entire bottle of champagne for lunch. It's gonna be that kind of semester.
currently waiting for her to check in on Facebook, the second she does I'm there. someone is getting laid tonight
I'm not stalking, she is pretty much begging me to come find her if she checks in
New rule. No seeing movies about plane crashes after killer bong rips
Yesterday you said I was the best.
No. I said you DID your best. There's a huge difference.
I don't know if I should feel proud or ashamed of myself...ashamed for making myself a drink at 6:15am or proud for actually being awake that early.
how does someone with a Masters Degree leave poop in an ashtray in the sink? It just blows my mind
Who looks around on a bright, sunny day and says, "you know what? Today I'm going to write gay dinosaur erotica"
I'd like to thank Vicodin for getting me through family thanksgiving once again.
Well I thought I saw everything and then I saw Christmas themed poop bags at Petco.
Randomize
