i waited two years for her to sleep with me. it just didnt seem worth it.
she lost her virginity three hours after you dumped her.
are you serious?
I didn't go out last night, but I dreamed that I blacked out and the *CRAZY* thing I did was to eat 12 cupcakes off 12 diff plates and stack them up neatly. If I had a life, I'd hate it.
not allowed to tweet this cos she's following me but i definitely just got head in a stairwell of the university of chicago. wanted you all to know.
Arguably, the best part was cockblocking those squirrels.
they told me they were banning four lokos so yeah i did have to buy 42 of them
Woke up in my own bed with a "New Years Eve 2011" bar bracelet on. Both of these things confuse me.
i think he just broke into a bike shop his last text said something about hiding in some tree
If it's not soft enough to fuck on, then we're not getting the new rug.
I just told a kid I was in a wheelchair because Santa shot me due to me being on the naughty list. You should have seen this little bastards face
I went to the bathroom, came back, and my friend was sleeping leaning up against the stripper pole.
One failed naked backward somersault off the bed and I realize - I either need to drink less or workout more. Perhaps both.
fyi, pepper spray hurts. whoever comes up with the best backstory wins a prize.
So what happened? Or does sex + ramen pretty much cover it?
Fuck it. I'm going for it. You're only young once, right?
You've been saying that for 5 years now. Let me know when the novelty wears off.
I just got through airport security with 5 grams of weed in my back pocket. Either I deserve a metal or the government is slacking
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