So she stayed over last night and slept walked in to my moms room where she used the bathroom and then proceeded to get in bed with my moms naked boyfriend. So yeah, at least now my family got to meet her.
well apparently i yelled MY VAGINA WAS ANNIHILATED and his whole family heard
no, i'm proud of you. this is the happiest you've been since you discovered that bowls can be used as cups if you don't feel like washing dishes.
My birth control alarm gets more depressing every night.
I hate that the only Italian aspect of me is I get red and sweaty when I drink
is it mean that i live tweeted about whether or not my roommate and her bf were having sex or were wrestling?
Our penis' have led to more networking than mark zuckerberg.
I want you to read this conversation tomorrow and be proud of the fact that you taught me how to decipher any drunk message. Good job.
6 beers, 3 orange crushes, & half a fire ball later & you get my alter ego.
the guy working the counter at the liquor store noticed i got my haircut and said it was pretty.....
Beard. Chest hair. Job.
The holy trinity.
Reading becomes significantly more difficult when people are having crazy loud sex in an adjoining room
I asked him to have birthday sex with me via xbox live
I just found an old slice of LIME in my wallet?????????
Sitting beside a stoned cat on the kitchen floor eating cheesecake with my hands...just a struggle
Randomize
