Dude, I woke up in the kitchen, naked, with a blueberry bagel as a pillow.
Can I eat your pillow?
I'm going to go hang out on a giant wooden pirate ship for 5 days.
you just kept yelling NO BUENO SENOR at the cashier and throwing coins at him, of course you were going to get kicked out of the grocery store
If you're still awake, how rude would it be if I masturbated in her new apartment on moving day? If you're asleep, then ask me how it was.
I think this baby is eyeing my beer
i dodnt think we hooked up bcause he actually texted me the next day
She just tried to talk over a fart. The fart was way longer than the sentence she originally wanted to say so she just added gibberish to the end. Gross
Dunno why I keep hitting snooze. It's never gonna give me the kind of sleep I need to be sober.
2013: the year of legs covered in hair and pregnancy scares.
Sitting topless in my room drinking wine from a box... It's good to be back at school
The house hit rave levels when La Bamba came on which confuses me because I live in white suburban Canada
PARA BAILAR LA BAMBA ASSHOLES
I just cut open the plastic package of a Plan B pill using the bottle opener I carry in my purse. #whyidrink
Only you would consider your best friend fucking your boyfriend to be a sign of everlasting friendship
I just found those cheese sticks in my purse. Along with a handful of confetti.
is it sad that the highlight of my saturday night was waiting till 3 in the morning to hear about your saturday night?
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