is it bad that i shorted Freddie Mac immediatly after I heard about the CFO?
when i was 16 reading the aftercare instructions at the piercing place i wondered why they would ever think to warn me about getting semen in my bellybutton
then i met college
Yeah i wasn't gonna go out but then i was like im not gonna get my dick wet stayin at home studying
i'm traumatized. his orgasm face consisted of him looking like my dead grandfather and burping.
I have to take his virginity. It's what God put me on earth for. It's my life mission.
He just told me that he goes squirrel hunting. NO LONGER BANGABLE.
Please don't drown this weekend. It would be a shame to lose a dick like yours.
98% is good enough for me. Kinda like birth control. Worth the risk
That's not a good night. A good night is waking up with no skirt, no money, and the imprint of the edge of the bar on your forehead.
I would not be watching the debate if there wasn't drinking involved. Let's be honest.
I think I've just evolved into some kind of vodka fueled monster
My mom told me to get it out of my system now bc once I hit 30 it's not acceptable to get "white girl wasted".
Brought some lesbians back to the light side of the force
What am I even going to do with 20 more jello shots? And don't say give them to the cat
My little brother came home while I was sitting there icing my vagina with a bag of peas. Asshole looks at me, high fives Ryan, then leaves.
Randomize
