he was CRYING into my vagina
just hang any plant up and call it mistletoe.
Why do you apologize after every time we have sex?
thankjk goddddn taco bell uis open htis lateee!
you do know it's eleven in the afternoon, right?
So, I found out he was eating a jolly rancher while eating me out.. Hence the yeast infection.
he was wearing ninja turtle pajamas and he STILL got laid. who the fuck is this guy?!
Just explain how I got from the bar to a house I've never been in, waking up to a cop in uniform ripping a bong
We were escorted through the guys dorm by 5 kids with nerf guns and zelda shields. I felt like the president with a fucked up secret service squad.
Signs of a stoner: trying everything in your fridge topped with peanut butter to seek satisfaction.
i think the realest test of our friendship is how hot your sister looks right now
Eat your greens and take your tequila shots
I sleep better at night when I win things. I never really weep for others.
I don't know what you slipped me, but my TV is vomming blood right now. Thanks, jerkoff.
I feel like sleeping with foreign people is a long term investment. It's like a time share. Now when I go to London I have a place to stay.
i want to say his dick was in it but not his heart
Randomize
