I don't understand why she insists on me walking her to the door. She came over for literally 8 minutes, we had sex, and now I need her to leave. That fake chivalry will change nothing about the situation.
Pissed on my Blackberry at the Astros game. Wish me luck explaining that one at work.
i never realize how drunk i am until i start using people as human stripper poles
nah, shes just mad because we went through all her fb pics and tagged her crotch as all the guys shes fucked
I'm eating Doritos that I crushed up n put in a cup so I only have to chill minimally.
holy shit thats the most artistic dick pic ever
also i think i should join the bone marrow registration when im sober
You installed a beer holder in the shower?! You're the best roommate ever!
... That's a shower caddy.
I believe this is a toe-mate-toe vs. toe-maut-toe situation.
So you told me to remind you that you vomited 3 times in the street because you would forget so here is your reminder
We almost ended up sober because of u!!
Fuck you. I've got onesies to keep me warm at night. And this bottle.
Pretty sure keeping my vibrator in the same drawer with the weed makes it work better. I fall asleep almost immedi
I like your optimism Chelsea but I'm not about getting my salad tossed
The bad thing is that I bled through my bandages last night and keep finding blood around the house. It's almost like a scavenger hunt for solber me. I get to find out where drunk me went.
Regardless I WANT TO BE YOUR SEX DISPENSARY. that is like the career I was born for.
Randomize
