I got drunk at the beach today. I got the word Badass! tatooed all the way across my foot. Probably a bad idea.
I just followed up on a noise complaint...only to find 2 girls in bikinis covered in jello with beer cans everywhere. I couldn't bring myself to bust that party.
I want to be a cop.
the truckdriver in the lane next to me just looked down and motorboated in my direction.
is it gross that my labia hangs so much that guys can't find my clit?
I'd be more interested in girls if they were more interested in anal.
Well no need to be a stranger, even if you aren't interested in joining my bisexual polygamist marriage. New city, new friends.
Why do I have a missed call from "The Anaconda" ?
What's the standard Christmas present for six months of booty calls?
Mobile recharge?
Its like her house is inhabited by 50 year old lesbian water color artists with a throw pillow fetish
Also I've come to learn that "type" and "fetish" are different things. Apologies for earlier confusion.
Smoking a bowl in nothing but a flamingo thong.
I got the job! The hiring manager is the sister of a guy I slept with so its like I'm a real adult now
Just text him and be like do you want this pussy or not. You have three seconds to respond.
He sent me a dick pic, and it had smeared lipstick on it. So I sent him the pic of my tit with the hickey ring your brother gave me.
I'm touching everything in your apartment with my penis.
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