i have no idea who im with but someones making meatballs. im going to stay.
And next time please put a text between discussing my orgasms and discussing your son - that was weird.
We welcome drunken adversity.
With open legs.
Never thought I'd say this but I just want to go home, ice my balls, and pop a Vicodin.
I will be your sherpa up the mountain of gayness
I forgot to tell you, wear something you can puke on Saturday. We're christening this marriage with a shot of jager. NOT KIDDING.
i wish i just like had a pee bag attached to me and i could just go whenever i want wherever i want
You want to complain about your sex life to me? Right now mine consists of trying to masturbate lightly enough not to wake her up with bed shakes. Go. Fuck. Yourself.
Oh yeah, found out i got it from my boyfriend's wife. Thanks though.
I had to puke in a ditch beside a cow pasture and like 50 cows just stood there and watched. I could feel the judgment.
I immediately retract my statement involving hylecopters being allowed to blow up sharks out of the water.... The idea if it is super incredible but ultimately it would be cruel and unessesary
I'm smoking pot with a man in a pink suit, size 15 wide shoes who bought his bowl from a place called Chinese Bling Bling while I'm dressed as a unicorn drinking pumpkin beer
I think getting right with the Lord should involve more than me and a bottle of tequila.
Not my fault people bought me shots. waving a shot in my face is like waving a cock in yours
I cut him off because he was changing my thermostat every time he came over
You made the right decision
Randomize
