I just put lube in Matt's bellybutton. He looks unhappy.
He actually believes he's not an alcoholic if he doesn't go to meetings.
do you think there was ever a doctor who smelled his finger after giving a prostate exam?
So... i mean if they do have cameras in his apartment buildings pool room atleast we gave them a little show.
You tried to get the stranger on the sea bus to give you a bite of his chicken sub by repeating over and over "im in a girl band"
I've see this movie. You sext me after the bar and fall asleep mid sentence. Roll credits.
Um I think everyone drunk and there's some douche on violin.
Strip beer pong in the front yard? Of course the cops showed up
You fell out of your barstool, I tried to help you but you said if I got any closer I'd be drinking my meals through a straw, So there you sat.
he does have a point though, watching you drink makes me never want to drink again
It's a strange mix of shame and pride every time I pee at the bar and still see my lipstick on the bathroom wall...
I TOOK A FINGER IN THE BUTT YOU CAN OPEN THIS MESSAGE
He's gonna turn my vagina into the Sahara desert
just spent the last 20 minutes cleaning out the soap dispenser. fuck. me. adderall.
Oh god I found a set of car keys in my pocket, and I have no idea who's they are
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