why does hillary duff have a greatest hits album?
i'm home, then i'll come over
ightttt gangstaaaaaaaaaaaa
nvm.
So I heard you only slept with me because you were drunk...is that true?
That depends on who this is.
Passed out for 3 hrs til now to wake up naked on my bed covered with grass from drunk slip and slide I would call that success
Single handedly the worst sex I've ever had just went down. Its like we both laid there after word-less thinking about the other " could they be any worse in bed" ?
Put you drinking hat aside for Tuesday. My buddy is bartending!
I just puked in my drinking hat.
Can you please come and collect your boss off of my kitchen floor.
He stopped his car in the middle of ongoing traffic to ask me to marry him. Then he got pulled over. Yeah I'd say the slutty Dallas Cowboys costume was a success.
Your hotness may or may not have landed him in jail.
Thanks for putting up with my drunk friend last night. Its all fun and games till someone pukes macaroni under your fridge.
haha all our friends are at the carnival and I'm on stage dry humping a 40 year old
I was in a penguin suit. Dick out. I am confident in the value of my pic.
I woke up naked wrapped in a wolf blanket on the bathroom floor
I just choked eating whip cream from the can, and peed a little because I was coughing so hard. How am I still single.
I'm using emojis for drug deals now. It's time to kill me.
For someone I see at the bar by herself all the time... I should have know she had a tazer.
Randomize
