She said "I only hook up with guys I'm dating"
So... What happend then?
We dated for an hour, i broke up with her after. BOOM.
I'm watching this guy on intervention hospitalized for liver damage. He's drinking the hand sanitizer in the hospital room. Say hello to your future.
It was the gentlest way I could hit on a girl who just got hit by a car
Life's too short to consider the larger psychological underpinnings of my lust.
The couple that wants to take me home just paid the bartender $100 to pour tequila down my throat. I think I'm in some type of twilight zone where stds run rampant and the alcohol floweth
Why do the people I hook up with still exist after we're done?
I've been smelling a baby wipe for three minutes. I didn't think I was that drunk but I guess I am
Vodka?
Forever.
i miss freshman lecture halls much harder to take shots in a class of 20
I went from naked with lasts nights hookup to Ihop in 6 minutes flat
I think that's a new house record
This is not a costume party, I'm just wearing fairy wings.
Of course you are.
It has moved into the cliche "thin line between love and hate" real quick. With her. Not Taco Bell.
Well, I wish you luck on finding out who your boyfriend is
No more bourbon. Sleep now. I may die. Pray for me.
I just chased my hot mailman down the street to ask him out and now I am 98% positive he gave me a fake number.
Randomize
