We walked 2 miles, legit 2 miles, and purchased 7 half gallons. One for each of us. Intense
I an trashes at a wedding. Hotbcousins here I come. Agh.
so i'm sitting in his room drinking tequila from the bottle and watching harry potter. he's jacking off to some porn a couple feet away from me. at one point i look over and see that he's watching me instead of the porn. please help me figure out how warped it is that i found that romantic
Dude I think you forgot how to talk last night. We kept asking if you wanted a condom and you just smiled and made weird noises...
I mean, it really isn't YOUR car until you have sex in it.
Literally passed out while tubing... Boating while hammered is a blast but thank God for life jackets
Periouds do not concern me. Biploogival needs are buological needs.
So... Apparently, "Home" isn't the correct response when a cop asks for your address...
Within 24 hours, I went to a feminist documentary screening with two state reps and you hate fucked a rent-a-cop on the helipad of your hospital. Somewhere our lives went in different directions.
I still make more money.
I left your tip in your mailbox. Last night was amazing.
It doesn't feel like real life when you open your hotel room door and the first person you see is wearing a rabbit costume. I'm too hungover for this.
My lunch = taste testing salsas for A&P. They gave me a free 64oz grape juice as a thank you. So, now we have something to drink in the house. So while you are spending all the money on breakfast rolls and pizza for lunch, I'm cigaretteless and whoring myself for tablespoons of salsa and free juice.
The laundromat is nothing like In the pornos
yea so the plan to relive our college glory days was great and all but ending up in the er with alcohol poisoning was crossing the line
I went to the nurse and she literally told me I was too sexually active and wrote me a prescription for 7 days of pelvic rest...... Hahahhahaha
Randomize
