He gave his mom his old phone, and I am SO paranoid
Did you send adult things?
Um. Yes would be the understatement of the year
dude skip the party. it is a fucking post office here
what the hell does that mean?
nothing good but a whole lotta male and packages
They're giving me a hotel, and this chick doesn't have a place to stay for the night... I swear this is how real life Porno starts.
We had sex on a ferris wheel in canada, our relationship will never be the same
You came out of the bathroom, said "I'M DRUNK BUT I REMEMBERED TO WASH MY HANDS!" and then insisted that she smell them.
All of a sudden i love everyone. In all their flawed and failing beauty. This is pretty good weed.
Ok well hopefully you're not staging an intervention for me at your place because I'm bringing beers
Did you put pizza in my boxers last night?
I left you 4 hours ago. Have you been walking around with shit in your pants all day?
He's passed out. He nodded his head when I asked if he's alive though...so there's that
"Don't bang the neighbor, don't bang the neighbor, don't bang the neighbor..." he chanted helplessly
Woke up with champagne in my hair and honey mustard on my hands. Strangely, I'm okau with this
What shade of lipstick clearly states, I'm only attending this wedding for the drugs and groomsmen?
It's to the point where if a guy can so much as find my clit, I'll consider him amazing in bed
Forget Covid themed costumes. I need one that attracts a quality penis
preferably one with a six figure job and a boat
I shit myself and fell down the stairs and I’m still finding shit In those pants.
Randomize
